Um...That's Really Weird.

Well its a brand-new year, and this year, I'm no longer an aide, but a real-live 4th grade teacher! This gives me even MORE time during the day to experience some of the crazy things kids do and say. For instance:

At dismissal each day, I take the kids down to one of the hallways by the door where they get picked up. They sit there until their names are called (we don't have transportation.) Today, I noticed Jamal pushing himself back and forth across the (tiled) floor. This is the conversation that took place.

Me: Uh, Jamal, what exactly are you doing?
Jamal: Trying to make my legs cold.
Me: Why?
Jamal: I like it when my legs are cold...cuz then I like to rub them.
Me: You like to rub them?
Jamal: Yep...sometimes I like to rub cold things. Is that weird?
Me: Um...that's really weird.

Haha! Even though these aren't first graders, they do some of the same kind of things that first graders do! Stay tuned...with all the craziness that I experience daily, there will be PLENTY more stories to come :)

Do I Have to Eat This?

During our snack today, we were given apple rings and orange slices. The kids were eating away, when Zachary taps me on the shoulder and says, "I really don't like this part..." pointing to the peel on the outside of the orange. "Well of course you don't like that part! You're not supposed to eat that!" I replied. "Well...do I HAVE to eat this?" he asked. He looked so cute and sad when he asked it. "No, you don't have to eat the outside. Just eat the part in the middle." So then I had to make the announcement to everybody that "we don't eat the outside of the orange, just the inside."

After the announcement was made, I then had to take the peels off of about 50 orange slices :)

Vacation Bible School

Since the school year is over for the summer, I've moved on to my next project: Vacation Bible School. I've been put in charge of the PRESCHOOLERS (cue "Jaws" theme)! Every day this week, I've been leading my batch of about 28 three to five year olds through their day. Now I have to say, I thought the first graders I worked with were crazy, but these preschoolers take the cake!

This is the first time that some of these kids have been away from mommy, so I have several criers every morning. This is the first time some of these kids have ever been part of a big group of kids, so I have several who think they can wander off or not follow the rules. Some of these kids have just finished potty training, so there are endless remarks of, "Miss Lisa, I have to go potty again!" But all in all, it's been a lot of fun. Here are two of my favorite stories so far:


Day 1: The theme is the Wild West. For our craft, we were making pouches for the kids to put gold coins in. As we're making the pouches, Claire (3), looks at me, scrunches up her face, and says, "This is NOT a couch." I said, "Not a Couch, a POUCH! Its a kind of like a purse, like mommy has." To which she replies again, "This is NOT a couch."

Day 3: The kids were told to think of different names for God, and we would write them on a huge poster. During one of the activities, I brought Benjamin (4) out into the hallway to help him write on the poster. I said, "Ok Benjamin, can you think of another name for God that we can write on this poster?" He said, "Yes, it starts with a B." "What is it?" I asked. "Benjamin," he replied. "Not Benjamin! We need another name for God!" Again he replied that Benjamin is another name for God. When I told him it wasn't, he became frustrated and said he wanted it to start with a B like Benjamin. I was finally able to satisfy him when I came up with Bread of Life. Just another egocentric moment in the life of a 4 year old.

Field Trip

Today we took the 1st graders on a field trip to the Studebaker Museum, which displays the history of the Studebaker family and the famous cars they produced. The following are some of my favorite quotes from the day:

StudentL: "Why are the people in all those pictures so funny-looking?"

Tour Guide (Trying to explain 'fender skirts'): Now, what do you think these are called? The first word is "fender." The second one is something some of the girls are wearing...I think there are 3 of you wearing these.
Student: Bras?

Tour Guide: This is the same car that Abraham Lincoln rode in the night he was assassinated. Now, do any of you know who Abraham Lincoln was?
Student: Yeah, he was that guy that freed the prisoners from the jails...

Student: Why does that guy keep saying "Studeeeeebaker?" That's not right...

And the ever popular: "When's lunch?" and "I have to go potty again." Just wouldn't be a field trip without those 2 repeated about 245 times each :)

Really?

While subbing for a 2nd grade class the other day, I made one of the boys mad when I put a tally next to his name on the class list for misbehaving. He whirled around, stormed toward his desk, and kicked it about 4 feet and knocked it over. "Jake!" I yelled. He looked at me and said, "I didn't knock it over! All I did was just walk right by it and it fell on its own!"

Really? Do they think we're THAT stupid? :)

Awfully Quick Comeback for an 8 Year Old!

The Monday after Easter, the kids were down at dismissal talking about what the Easter Bunny had brought them. A few of the "big, bad 2nd graders" I work with came over to join in on our conversation. Tyrone asked, "Mrs. Miller, do you believe in the Easter Bunny?" I said, "I sure do." Then he asked, "Do you believe in Santa Clause?" I replied, "Yep. I love Santa!" He looked at me like I was completely ridiculous. He got a look of disgust on his face, and started ranting, "Man, I don't beleive in no Santa Clause, and I don't believe in the Easter Bunny, and I definitely don't believe in tooth paste."....

To which Leah replied instantaneoulsy, "That must be why yo breath stinks so bad."

Tyrone was confused, until we pointed out that he told us he didn't believe in TOOTHPASTE. He quickly corrected himself, saying, "No, no, no! That's not what I meant...I meant I don't believe in the TOOTH FAIRY! I swear I brush my teeth!"

Unfortunately, the damage had already been done, since he set himself up for that one. I was just incredibly impressed with how quick Leah's comeback was! Apparently, his breath must've smelled really bad, and she'd been waiting for an opportunity to tell him or something!

Happy Anniversary

Mr. Nelson announced to the class today that it was his 16th Wedding Anniversary. Alex blurts out, "Mr. Nelson! You should take her to McDonalds tonight and get her some chicken nuggets!"

His future wife will be so lucky :)

Chaos

The moment I knew that I had completely lost control today? When Arianna climbed up on top of her desk and started yelling and screaming like a banshee.

An Interesting Proposal

The kids had won a box top contest at school, and were rewarded today with cupcakes. The cupcakes had monkey rings on top, and the kids were pretty pumped about them. At dismissal today, Matthew came up to me, got down on one knee, presented me with the monkey ring, and asked, "Mrs. Miller, will you marry me?" It was adorable! I showed him my wedding ring, and said, "Matthew, I'm already married!"

He looked up at me, and as he slid the ring onto my finger, said, "CHEAT!"

Wait til MR. Miller hears that one!

Wearing Enough Cologne Today??

I kept walking around the room early this morning getting an insanely strong whiff of men's cologne...and not the kind that smells good! I kept trying to figure out who the culprit was, but couldn't pin him down. Later (and I mean 3 hours later...when a normal amount of cologne would've worn off a little) I was leaving the library, and began walking behind Ian, who was also walking back to class. Walking behind him, I was almost bowled over by the strength of the aroma. "Ian, are you wearing cologne today?" I asked. "Yep," he replied. "Did you spray it on yourself?" I asked. His answer was, "Well my mom sprayed one squirt on me, but it wasn't enough, so I had to go spray more on after she left the room."

Whew! But I'm thinking this won't happen again...it was so strong that I'm pretty sure he must've used the entire bottle.

"Sensirest Apologies"

Yesterday, I was the Spanish sub at work (like I speak Spanish...). There was one 5th grade class in particular that was TERRIBLE. They spent the entire 33 minutes yelling, arguing, gossiping, making fun of others, and NOT listening to the Spanish sub! There was one student that was slightly more emotional than the rest. When one of the girls made fun of him, he threatened to slap her in the face. I had to get on him about threatening, and he became an emotional basketcase, crying and carrying on like it was the end of the world. I was relieved when they left my room and went to art. Then later in the day, this emotional boy came by the room and dropped off a letter he'd written for me:

"Dear Mrs. Miller,

        I'm sorry for yelling in your class. If everyone would've acted like i did, no work would have gotten done. Please don't take it that bad. I promise I'll be bette next time. Also, I'll try to help the rest of the class to be at a zero and to work. Thank you if you don't hate me, But it's ok if you do.
                                                     Sensirest apologies,
                                                                                Peter
Ps. I'm MEGA sorry!!"


How cute! It made my afternoon. Of course, I stopped by the classroom later in the day to make it known that I don't hate him after just 33 minutes :)

Top 3 Disgusting Quotes of the Week

Kids are gross. They cough, sneeze, fart, pick their nose, and all kinds of other things. Then they proceed to share all their germy-ness with everyone else...including me. I was coughed on yesterday at point blank range by one of the second graders. When I told him to cover his cough, he replied, "Yeah, sorry...I've been REALLY sick this week." Fantastic...now I know what's in store for me NEXT week. Anyway, since kids are so gross, I thought I'd share the 3 most disgusting quotes from this week.

#3. "Eww! Ian has snot running into his mouth." -Anna

#2. "Mrs. Miller, Neil just picked off my scab." -Zane

#1. My tummy hurts...can I go to the bathroom? I think I have some hard poop in there." -Farah

Sometimes, there are things I'd just rather not know :)

Dood...Part II

This morning, I was trying to help Kyla (the LOUD one who says "dood" instead of "good") get the internet working on her computer. I restarted it, and while we were waiting for it to reboot, she picked up a book and read the title, "My Little Dog." And you know what? She pronounced the "g" sound at the end of "dog!" So I decided to take this little opportunity to revisit our speech lesson from about a week ago. While she was reading, she came to the word "dog" again. I asked he to repeat it, and when she did, I pointed out that she said the "g" sound. I then asked her to say the word "good." "Dood," she replied. "No no, say the word dog, and listen to the g..g..g sound at the end." She did, and said the "g" sound correctly again, but then kept saying "dood." So we kept at it for a few minutes. Apparently, just like last time, I frustrated her again, because a few repetitions later she said, "Ugh! Just let me read my frickin' book!"

And our speech lesson ended there. :)

First Grade Attitudes.

On a dreary Monday morning, the one thing I look forward to is being around chipper first graders. Today however, I was not greeted by any. Instead, I was greeted by tired "hmmphs" and groans. A usually loud and crazy line was unusually quiet and subdued in the hallways this morning. It seemed like every single one of them was either tired or had some sort of an attitude.

While he was supposed to be working on SpellingCity, Matthew was sitting at his seat, doing nothing. "Matthew, what are you doing?" I asked. He looked at me, and replied, "Chillin'." I didn't like that answer, so I tried again. "No, what are you doing?" This time he replied, "Picking at my finger nails." I wasn't crazy about that answer either. "I'm going to ask one more time. What are you doing?" Finally he replied in an annoyed tone, "Working on SpellingCity," and reluctantly went back to work.

Geesh! Aren't these kids a little young to have a case of the Mondays?

Take Your Husband To Work Day

My husband had the majority of the day off today, and he was out by my work at the end of the day, so he came in for the last 30 minutes of the day! It was so fun to have him see where I work, and meet the kids that he hears so much about every day. The kids were so excited to meet Mr. Miller. A few of the boys came up to him, said "Nice to meet you," and shook his hand. A few of the girls asked if we were married, then picked up each of our hands and made us hold hands with each other. He made one particular little friend right away. Yolanda's misssion in life is to be popular...just ask her and she'll tell you. She's constantly batting her eyes at teachers, telling everyone how pretty or smart they are, and trying to do whatever it takes to make a friend. She instantly clung to Mr. Miller, and wouldn't leave his side until she was called for dismissal. He got a chance to match up the kids with the stories I tell, and I think he enjoyed that too. I loved having him there, and showing off the kids to him, and him to the kids. I think "Take Your Husband To Work Day" should be annual, just like for daughters!

THAT'S your lunch??!!

The kids were unpacking their stuff this morning and coming into the room to get ready for the day. Alex comes up to me and proudly announces, "Hey! Look at my lunch!" This "lunch" was a 1 gallon zip lock bag that contained a bunch of Captain Crunch, Frosted Mini-Wheats (chocolate, of course), 3 granola bars, and a small bottle of grape juice. I said, "THAT'S your lunch?" And with a huge smile, he replied, "Yep! And its for at dismissal too." He just seemed so pumped about this bag of "randomness," that I asked, "Alex, did you pack this all by yourself today?" To which he eagerly replied, "Yep!" Uh...I could tell. :)
I then informed him that he would DEFINTELY be eating a regular lunch from the cafeteria along with this yummy snack he prepared for himself.

And as I walked them to lunch, I glanced behind me, and saw Alex eagerly clutching his "snack bag," and I just had to laugh to myself.

Dood??

There is a little girl in my class that is LOUD. Whenever she speaks, she speaks with gusto! Lately, I've noticed that when you ask her how she's doing, she'll yell "dood!" So today at dismissal, when most of the other kids had already gone home, I sat down with her and asked her to say the word "good." She replied, "dood." I asked her to make the "g" sound, and I did it several times so she could here it. She replied, "d...d...d." Then she started yelling in her LOUD voice that "My Mama told me that the reason I can't say 'g' because my growed up teeth are going in." That made no sense to me, so I had her look at where I put my tongue when I make the sound, and told her to do the same. We went back and forth like this. "g...g...g" "d...d...d" "g...g...g" "d...d...d" Finally, she uses her gusto to exclaim, "Ya know what? I can't get it! Let's move on!"

Its probably not funny unless you know this girl, but it was pretty hilarious! She's so loud and crazy, and her voice is just too funny :)

Fat Tuesday Misconception

Yesterday, my first grade class had a conversation about the fact that today would be "Fat Tuesday." Mr. Nelson, the host teacher, didn't go into much detail about the what that meant, but told the class we'd be talking more about it today. So this morning while the kids were unpacking their belongings, Neil runs up to me, frantic. "Mrs. Miller, Mrs. Miller! I forgot my Fat Albert costume at home!" At 7:45am, you can imagine I was stumped. "What? What are you talking about?" I replied. "Well, Mr. Nelson said that today was 'Fat Tuesday.' I'm not fat...so I figured if I wore my Fat Albert costume, that would be ok, and I could just pretend to be fat. But I left it at home!"

My first though: Oh boy...where to begin. :)

Tell Me a Word That Rhymes With...

Throughout the week, I pull different groups out of the classroom for remediation or enrichment activities. Today I pulled a group of low first graders, and tried to work with them on rhyming. "TRIED" being the keyword here. Only 2 of the kids were actually grasping it. At one point, I said, "Ok Kyle, tell me a word that rhymes with "lake." His response? An enthusiastic, "Lakers!," to which Evan replied, "Ohh Ohh! I know! Los Angeles!"

Needless to say, we'll be revisiting rhyming again later this week!

The Reasons I Did NOT Become a Gym Teacher.

Being a teaching assistant, I am not always in my "home" classroom. There are times that I am needed elsewhere, and yesterday, "elsewhere" happened to be the gym. So as I subbed for the gym teacher yesterday, I composed in my head a list of reasons why I did NOT become a gym teacher.

1. I never played ANY sports when I was younger (besides a one-year stint at tennis when I was 15.)

2. I have NO CLUE what kinds of things to do with kids in gym class besides dodgeball and scooter races.

3. The echo of screaming and yelling in a gym is enough to give someone a migraine.

4. Kids cry when they lose a scooter race.

5. Kids cry when they get out in dodgeball.

6. Kids cry when they fall down...even if they're not hurt.

7. Kids cry if you don't put them on the team they want to be on.

8. Kids cry if they don't get the "right" color scooter.

9. Kids will lie and cheat in the name of winning...but I guess adults do that too :)

10. My throat hurt after only about 45 minutes of trying to yell over kids yelling and screaming while playing.

11. Did I mention that kids cry?

After witnessing about 6 hours of tempers flaring, tantrum-throwing, arguing, crying, and tattling, I came to the conclusion that even though the wardrobe of a gym teacher (aka: sweats) might be a little more appealing than what I wear daily, I definitely do NOT have the patience or the knowledge to be a gym teacher. (But it was a nice change of pace for one day.)